Life Begins

Imagining how my first day on this world would have been, I watch myself with great amusement, as I open my tiny eyes, only to look at a few strangers smiling lovingly at me....Well, they're my mother, the doctor and the nurse...life starts in a similar way for every gifted soul who is born in this world. Slowly, we tend to gain experience in all the tiny, but significant jobs that we do. Later, we find ourselves in institutions called 'Schools', where there are many like us, waiting readily to grab their bags and run out, once the bell rings. As we grow up, we realize the importance of our parents and teachers, and not to forget our friends. Soon, friends become the most integral part of our lives. Whatever we do, they are always with us, whether be it a prank or an award....

Engineered, but...

So, I am done with my engineering finally. I managed to get a distinction for my degree. But now, I ask myself this, was it all worth it? Have I achieved anything except may be graduating from not a bad university?

You know, now that I have graduated and am ready to make that transition into an office kind of an environment, I am kinda starting to understand the difference here. Why on earth do companies come and take fresh graduates like us? What is it that separates us from any other guy on the street? It’s the quality of education one would say! Naa… I think they expect something much more from us. And that "much more” thingy sadly is not taught inside universities. The Professor who teaches us inside the classroom just imparts his knowledge and goes away. But frankly is that of any use? Last 10 days of exams…Put in as much of stuff as you can in your squeaky little mouth and once you reach the exam hall and the bell sounds, just vomit or puke it out… This is the disappointing reality in our education system.

But sadly this reality doesn’t quite work in a private office environment. Here one has to have a know-how of various things. One has to practice what one has preached…But sadly no one has done that. All one has done so far is puked…puked out knowledge. The one’s responsible for this i.e. exams…they are gonna continue. I don’t think anybody will scrap that and may be it shouldn’t. But one could do with some kind of accountability. That yes I understand this. I don’t wanna puke if I know this! Eventually the onus is on us. How can we ourselves enhance our own skills and come out trumps! Perhaps the old man’s saying is applicable even today… Self Help is the best help one can do for himself. :)

Emotions Are Not Friends

I get angry, I get sad, I get mad; but now I'm glad...
Am I lonely? Am I sad? Am I any word that can even exist?
I don't like this feeling, this roller coaster ride
This high for the day, low for a while.
This happy now, sad then!
These thoughts in my head about Where I am,
Where I want to be, Where I could be and Where I am going to be!

I think the deeper question to emotions is
Who are you?
Who am I you ask?
I would answer but I don't know
What defines my being in existence?
My looks? my talent? my gifts? my friends? my family?
What? Who?
You would like to know?
So would I....

I am looking deeper within searching for that truth!
That true me that lies within...Who? What? Where?

Reflections

My whole life, I've always wanted to achieve more. Not really achieve more, but just move and continue moving. I can never really say that I've been in a place, physically, mentally, or spiritually and been satisfied there. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad. It's not that I wasn't or haven't been content, its just that I've always known that there is something more than what I have or where I am or was and I've wanted it. I guess that saying that the grass is always greener applied to me. I say all that to say this: for the first time in my life, I'm stuck. I don't want to move forward because I really don't want to let go of my past, and I'm afraid that if I move I'll lose all that I've earned and worked so hard for. But, have I already lost it and am I now just holding on to a memory? If that's the case, I need desperately to move and leave that thing that is holding me back.

Have you ever been here before? What did you do to leave or did you ever leave?

Texting / Smsing

Is it just me or is smsing ruining the communication process? It actually keeps a person's true personality and spontaneity in a conversation from showing up. When you can edit and decide how and what you wanna say something before you say it, it makes you seem like a much better communicator than you may actually be.

People can be one room away and sms one another instead of just walking to the person's door and asking them the question they wanna ask. People rarely talk on the phone anymore, they would rather sms. Smsing has ruined phone calls for me, I don't really like talking on the phone now, does that make me anti-social? DEFINITELY NOT.

By the way, have you ever had someone get mad at you because of the way THEY interpreted something you said in a sms? When you're talking to someone, you can hear certain voice inflections, sarcasm, and joking nature, but when you sms, it's only words on a screen. Ever have an argument over a sms that you sent that was misinterpreted by the person you sent it to? There's nothing worse than trying to explain what you meant in a sms with another sms. That's just irritating. I think smsing has made people too emotional, words don't have meaning outside of the meaning that a person places onto those words. Hence if you get upset about a sms, maybe that says something about your interpretation.

期许的坏习惯

最近总是发现自己的记忆力衰退,注意力无法集中。
这是可能是事情处理太多而造成自己的空白吗?
NOPE....
我想应该是事情放弃跟摆烂太多所导致的吧。

习惯性的种种，无限轮回。
亮了红灯，也不见得停。
亮了绿灯，竟然却步。
新的一年希望自己的眼睛不要只看着眼前，偶尔也看看左右。
也不要只看也要动。

保持思考。

更希望自己在评论别人前先瞧瞧自己，自己根本还没发芽。

Mistakes of the Past

Everyone of us has done things in the past that we regret later in life. The guilt of doing it, does haunt us one time or another, doesn't it?

It is something which had gone wrong, that you could have repaired well now as compared to then. When someone reminds you of those things, you start remembering it. Everything appears and passes in front of you like a flash. You forget the things on hand. Sometimes, just that short amount of time of thought can spoil your whole day.

The past is much more powerful than it looks. The past carries vital experiences that can be used in the present. Something similar happening can be solved well with the experiences we had before. But it also has its own ugly face, which can turn the tide in today's context of things. It will spoil your mood, make you upset or even feel irritated on yourself.

Well... it depends from person to person. Some people don't like remembering things, some don't even remember things. For me, I tend to get upset by things like this. My mood changes extremely fast and I totally feel miserable. The guilt of doing something wrong in the past, does haunt me.

I have tried lot of things to keep myself busy during such an outburst of thoughts. But somehow, I find myself trapping in the darkest canopy of room. Getting lost in the thoughts and giving no care to what was happening in front of me. Me being a Gemini, fast changes of mood was by nature.

A couple of days ago, I had one those days again. Remembering some old friend whom I have no contact now. The way we went different ways, was not satisfying. I felt I could have done much better to keep in touch with that person, instead of having a not so good relationship.

All of a sudden there were some thoughts passed through my mind, i figured out the way to break the jinx. I am a normal human being and I am allowed to make mistakes. Nobody is perfect, those days are gone. Maybe I should not forget that it is the past that I have grown up from. Feeling guilty about it, will not resolve anything today.

I changed the way I felt about the whole thing. I felt great about leaving things behind, especially the guilt feeling. I did a mistake, but I can forgive myself even though my friend could not. I felt better within. I am a changed man now.....